Critical Dementia Skill #1 Finding Meaning in Dementia

This is the first installment in the Critical Dementia Skills (CDS) series. For more information on the series, start HERE. You can also click on the CDS tags in the blog for more.

Could we have started the Critical Dementia Skills (CDS) Series with a larger topic?

People have pondered the meaning of life for thousands and thousands of years. They’ve also thought about the meaning of suffering for that long. Certainly, people have wondered about the meaning of dementia since it has become a phenomenon in society. They may say: “Why do I have this terminal condition that will take away my memories?” or “Why must I experience having my loved one taken from me in this manner?”

This is such a large topic, so please consider this as an opening to the conversation. We place emphasis on the conversation because we are going to ask you to start thinking about this meaning for you.

Meaning of anything is deeply personal; we cannot tell you what dementia or anything should mean in your life. However, we have talked with many care partners over the years and enjoyed many conversations and lectures on the topic.

While we continue to learn more in this area from scholars and the real experts (persons living with dementia and care partners), we’ve found that there are at least two main types of meaning in dementia:

1. A spiritual meaning in which we unite ourselves with Christ and His passion, crucifixion, and resurrection 

2. An earthly meaning in which experiencing dementia and care partnering becomes an opportunity for us to develop into the best person we could possibly be – beyond what we as humans had planned for ourselves

Victor Frankl, MD, PhD, a Jewish psychotherapist who was a prisoner in two World War II concentration camps, showed the world that meaning could be found in the most horrible of places. As he suffered and labored in the camps, he observed that attributing meaning to difficult situations is what helped people survive and thrive. He was an example of this as he survived his challenge so that he could one day publish this idea in his 1946 classic “Man’s Search for Meaning” and continue teaching his students in Vienna. Dr. Frankl went on to establish “Logotherapy,” the concept that meaning motivates man.

Of the many quotes from Frankl, we highlight these two:

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.”

“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.”

Real examples that care partners have told us about meaning in their experience:

• Opportunity to fully honor the Sacrament of Marriage, in sickness and in health
• Developed patience & forgiveness with siblings who will not help
• Brought them closer-physically and emotionally- to their loved one
• Provided an opportunity to give back to their loved one who cared for them their whole life
• Discovered a vocation to start a group home for others with dementia
• Made the care partner a stronger and more resilient person
• Chance to further follow the 4th Commandment, Honor your father and mother

Questions for you to think, write down, and share in the comments section (any or all):

• How do you see yourself united with Jesus in suffering?
• What meaning have you discovered in your experience?
• If you have not found meaning in your experience yet, what do you think may be an obstacle in discovering meaning? For example, perhaps a parent with dementia was not supportive or was abusive -and now you find yourself caring for them.

This is a heavy and important topic, hence the first foundational topic in the series. Thank you for reading this far and for commenting. God bless.

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