My “dementia journey radar” went off in Mass on the third Sunday of Advent, this past “Gaudete” (or “rejoice” in Latin) Sunday, as I participated from the pew with my family. I promise that I think of other topics besides dementia, which describes a group of symptoms impacting over 7 million Americans plus their families. This was just not one of those times.
The lectors read the scriptures which offered a theme of joy. Joy may not be the first emotion that most dementia care partners (caregivers) flock to when thinking about their role; yet, there is joy to be found. Families experiencing dementia have taught me that there is joy when you are open to it, actively look for it, and create it. They have shown me that there’s joy in having their spouse or parent around, even if they act differently. Families have taught me there’s joy in the hours, or even the fleeting minutes when their loved one knows their name, surroundings, and a familiar story. They have told me about the joy when playing special music for their loved ones. The journey of dementia presents a roller coaster experience, turning us left, right, and upside down many times unexpectedly. While the closest care partners (doing the work) experience the majority of the ups and downs, remember that they get to have and hold onto the positive moments. The family members who may be avoiding the situation are free of the hands-on caring, but they are also missing the joy that can be found if they were around.
Let’s look at some excerpts of the readings from Mass on December 16, 2018.
Reading 1 (Zephaniah 3:14-18A)
Shout for joy, O daughter Zion!
Sing joyfully, O Israel!
Be glad and exult with all your heart,
O daughter Jerusalem! …
Responsorial Psalm (Isaiah 12:2-3, 4, 5-6)
R. (6) Cry out with joy and gladness: for among you is the great and Holy One of Israel.
God indeed is my savior;
I am confident and unafraid.
My strength and my courage is the LORD,
and he has been my savior.
With joy you will draw water
at the fountain of salvation…
Reading 2 (Philippians 4-7)
Brothers and sisters:
Rejoice in the Lord always.
I shall say it again: rejoice!
Your kindness should be known to all.
The Lord is near.
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
make your requests known to God.
Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Now back to Mass. In his homily, Father Jared Rodrigue of Mary, Queen of Peace Parish enthusiastically called us “create moments of joy!” “St. Ignatius calls you to be a saint,” he continued, referring to St. Ignatius’ quote: “If God causes you to suffer much, it is a sign that He has great designs for you, and that He certainly intends to make you a saint. And if you wish to become a great saint, entreat Him yourself to give you much opportunity for suffering; for there is no wood better to kindle the fire of holy love than the wood of the cross, which Christ used for His own great sacrifice of boundless charity.”
While speaking about my Sunday experience with Dr. Warren Hebert, DNP, nurse researcher and host of “Family Caregiving with Warren Hebert” on Radio Maria, he emphasized that we are not only called the rejoice, but we are commanded to rejoice. Fr. Jared said this specifically and his energy conveyed it; I am just glad Dr. Hebert reminded me!
I urge you to be open to joy, actively look for joy, and most importantly create joy on the dementia journey. If you not involved in your loved one’s care or visiting, please consider finding a way to contribute.
Be sure to check out my book The Peace with Dementia Rosary: Education, Intentions, Community for more information and for guide sheets to put these ideas into practice.
In Joy,
Matt
PS: Please consider Posting a dementia prayer or pray for a dementia prayer intention. God bless!
Scripture texts in this work are taken from the New American Bible, revised edition © 2010, 1991, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, D.C. and are used by permission of the copyright owner. All Rights Reserved. No part of the New American Bible may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
