Article by Matthew Estrade Photo by Dan Kiefer on Unsplash
Advent is a time of preparing for Jesus’ birth and that includes, in addition to the spiritual aspect, celebrations with family and friends. For the estimated 50 million persons in the world living with dementia, the holidays can especially stressful as they navigate these joyous gatherings. It can be stressful to remember names, a loud room can cause agitation, and if hearing-ability is already poor, communication can be even more difficult.
It can be enough to make someone living with dementia (or even without dementia) want to avoid all of it.
Before jumping to that isolated side of the social engagement spectrum, try to employ some strategies to include a loved one with dementia. As with daily life on the journey of dementia, try your best and learn from what does not work.
Consider these tips for yourself as a care partner or suggest these to a care partner:
- Scale back big roles. If you host a party each year, consider asking someone else. When hosting a party, you know it’s not just the time that people are over; there’s the cleaning and set up before and the breakdown and cleaning afterward.
- Modify roles. So maybe you do not host the gathering, but perhaps your loved one with dementia always prepared a certain dish that everyone loves. Perhaps you or someone else can make the dish with your loved one’s help-it’s about adapting traditions. If it’s too much to prepare, buy a favorite meal at your grocery store or restaurant.
- Have a quiet place. It’s normal for someone living with dementia to need a place to retreat if the environment is over-stimulating. Plan ahead and ask if a guest room is available for a break. Bring some favorite music, pictures, or other things that may bring some peace.
- Set expectations. Let friends and family know that you will stay as long as you can, but when your loved one is ready, it’s time to go. Of course, it’s not easy when that time comes.
- Keep it simple. When giving gifts to someone living with dementia keep things simple and individualized. Think about their current hobbies or former hobbies; review the Farrington Leisure Interest Inventory for ideas. If your loved one used to enjoy motorcycles, think about a book of classic motorcycle pictures. You could go another direction and get something practical, like a digital clock that tells the time, date, and day of the week. It all depends on what they may want; you don’t want to assume that they want something practical; it depends on if they have accepted their condition.
- Allow your loved ones to give gifts if they want. I’ve known many care partners who said that it was very important to their loved ones that they are able to give something. Discuss what they want to give you, buy it, wrap it, and let them watch you open it!
- Giving gifts a care partner. Some of the best gifts that I’ve seen are those that are breaks – massages, movie tickets, and restaurant gift cards. Remember home-made coupon books? Consider a book of offers to stay with a loved one so that the care partner can get groceries or take a break (the massage, movies, meal).
While everyone’s situation is different on the journey of dementia, consider these tips that could make this Christmas more peaceful for everyone.
Do you have a tip to share? Please leave it in the comments section
We wish you a special Advent and Holy and Merry Christmas this year!
