“The fourth week of Advent is about Mary, Mother of God,” said Fr. Ian Bozant of St. Patrick’s in downtown New Orleans on the vigil of fourth Advent Sunday. My family sat in the pew at 600 Camp Street as we listened to our friend and the former priest of our current parish Mary, Queen of Peace in Mandeville, LA. This is the second year that we have visited St. Patrick’s during Advent.
Fr. Ian continued his homily regarding the focus on Mary as the centerpiece. He observed that She was not commanded by the angel Gabriel to set out on a journey to see her aged cousin Elizabeth who was pregnant. With her own concern and on her own volition, Mary trekked between 80 and 100 miles and stayed with Elizabeth until she gave birth to John the Baptist. What a sacrifice! What an example for us!
While some family and friends may visit a person living with dementia and their care partner (spouse, adult child, friend). I’ve learned from many dementia care partners that this is the exception and not the rule. “Family/Friends dry up” is a phrase that a veteran support group member coined that struck a chord with others and stuck in my mind. As soon as he said it, we all knew what he meant; it was one of those phrases that cover 500 words of emotion and expression. Research backs up the positive impact of when family and friends keep coming around as it creates an emotional network. Having a higher number of visitors helps the care partner feel more emotionally supported, which may be more helpful than physical support (Drentea, Clay, Roth 2006; Zarit, Reever, Bach-Peterson, 1980).
It’s perhaps understandable when folks stop coming around when dementia enters in the picture. It can be awkward as you don’t want to say the wrong thing or you want to remember how the person was before the memory loss and other symptoms that may have appeared. Then there’s the possible feeling of “could this happen to me?” that is uncomfortable.
That’s when we turn to Mary who made the sacrifice to visit Elizabeth. As Fr. Ian pointed out, Mary is our example. What if we put our needs aside and visited friends or family experiencing dementia? What a difference that could make to break the isolation and loneliness!
Please consider visiting family, friends, and parishioners impacted by dementia. It will break the isolation, and it will get easier for you each time!
Be sure to check out my book The Peace with Dementia Rosary: Education, Intentions, Community for more information and for guide sheets to put these ideas into practice.
Join our email list and get notified when the book is available for purchase. Visit www.DementiaRosary.com to sign up or text “Rosary” to 345345.
In Peace,
Matt
PS: Please consider Posting a dementia prayer or pray for a dementia prayer intention. God bless!
Drentea, P., Clay, O., Roth, D., Mittelman, M. (2006). Predictors of improvement in social support: Five-year effects of a structured intervention for caregivers of spouses with Alzheimer’s disease. Social Science & Medicine, 63(4), 957-967. Abstract
Zarit, S. H., Reever, K. E., & Bach-Peterson, J. (1980). Relatives of the Impaired Elderly: Correlates of Feelings of Burden. The Gerontologist, 20(6), 649-655. Abstract
